When we started our My Curves, My Journey series, we wanted the chance for YOU to share your stories with all of us. In today’s latest, plus size model, Sheena Postell shares her journey of how she learned HOW to love her curves, despite her life’s experiences…
Please read on to hear about Ms Sheena’s Self-Love journey!
It took a long time for me to really like myself.
My journey began with loving my hair and making sure that it looked good all of the time. That was the only part of my body that I could control.
I quickly moved onto fashion and for years it was just making sure I covered up the larger parts of my body. I wore simple colors but always had a fresh pair of Nike sneakers.
Reflecting back when I was younger, the word ”UGLY” was spoken in my atmosphere as phrases of endearment.
The sentences of family members expressing their surprises when my hips and thighs grew too fast. “Oh baby girl, your body is poking out,” “those stomach stretch marks are growing” and “you can’t shop in the kid’s section no ‘mo.”
To stop the stares and allowing my ears to hear those God awful comments, I would cover up my body.
Pants in the summer, t-shirts over my bathing suits and sneaking chocolate bars to erase the pain.
My mother was so concerned and worried that my body would attract the wrong attention. She signed me up for physical activity programs just to maintain my weight and size.
This was her “loving and protecting me” from weird men that “could be attracted to a young ladies’ body.”
Because of her youth experience, my youth experience ended up with me “playing it safe” but she never knew that it was killing me.
I began to internalize these actions as a validation or determination of my worth…
Was I that ugly that no one noticed anything positive?
My body literally made everyone around me feel uneasy.
As I transitioned to an adult, the word ”UGLY” changed from me hearing it to me saying it to myself.
Seeing my body’s lumps, scars, and unevenness lowered my excitement for me. I didn’t know how to love me, treat me, and know what was good for me.
In grade school, I had major crushes on cute boys but no one took me serious.
My real-life experiences didn’t start until junior year of high school.
This body as been with me all of my life and as an adult, I still don’t know what it means to me.
Currently, the word ”UGLY” has moved to be an adjective to me.
I am an ugly individual for not fighting harder for me. I’m horrible for not finding who I am first before the world told me who I am.
I am a horrible person for not trying to love my curves, my fat, my bumps, my scares, and my BEAUTY.
I WILL NEVER BE UGLY AGAIN.
I have made a declaration to myself. I have missed so many years of learning, growing, and just conquering my full abilities. All because I could not see my own beauty.
Nowadays? I love myself so much, that my confidence can be too much for others to process, and that is okay.
Never will I be ugly to myself again.
Sheena Postell is a model, an influencer and a social worker. A lover and supporter of all things self-love and self-care. You can find her on Instagram at @mspostell.
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We would love to hear YOUR story. Up in the right hand corner, submit your story and tell us about your journey to self-love and loving yourself!
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